SEX DRIVE .. ERM .. WHATS THAT ??
Talking about sex in this country is nearly as bad as telling someone you have mental health problems .. Its all 'hush hush' .. People do not want to know your sexual problems or your mental issues ... this truly drives me mad as there is nothing wrong with either . We all have mental health issues at some point in out lives weather it is serious or not so .. And we all have sexual problems at some point in our lives .. again it could be serious or just something that happens to us some times ..
My advice for is do not worry or panic, things will return to some kind of normality but the more you stress the less likley anything good will come of it. I have learnt some major lessons these last 18 months of my life and that is .. Don't worry about ANYTHING that you cannot do anything about, it is a serious waste of time, sometimes we just have to sit back and accept what is going on, we know we wont always be here or be in this situation and most times its a massive leaning curve, use that learning curve at take it with you through life.
I am just an ordinary 41 year old women and just like any other human being. I have always enjoyed sex with my partner and I believe it is what has kept us together in that special intimate bond for over 22 years. Since I was diagnosed with Depression in October 2012 .. (which to be quite honest I don't even remember if I was still having sex as nobody was 'home' in the mind department .. If you know what I mean) .. My sex drive took a dramatic dive, I was just not interested in sex at all and it did not seem to bother me that I was not having any, it seemed like a chore to me, something I 'had to do' but did not want to, my partner being the amazing man he is told me not to worry or panic about it as he didn't want me to stress as nothing would work, we will just leave it for a while and see how things go .. Wow .. he is just the most wonderful person and has stuck by me through thick, thicker and even thicker times.
I was guessing that the medication I was on was the reason for all this, it was not until I was feeling a bit better that I actually decided to ask and yes its true, medication can affect your sex drive amongst other things but I was feeling so much better taking the medication that I decided that I had to take the good with the bad. Well folks here I am 6 months later and my sex drive is still not completely back where it was but I am getting there, It takes a while .. LOL .. but my partner does not seem to mind this .. :-)
It has a lot do with many things, the medication being an important factor but also anxiety, panic, low confidence also being scared, that may sound silly after being with my partner for so long but when I hit rock bottom I was scared of every thing in every day in every way.
My confidence is going up every day, I feel more like myself ... even better than I used to be .. I am more in love with my partner than ever before so I am not going to worry about my sex drive, it will come back when its good and ready .. In the mean time I will juts enjoy intimate, personal time with him.
Some people might find this a bit too much information and that's OK, but there might be a few people who will identify with this and these are the people I am talking too, we all just need to understand and be understood and realise we are not alone in the things we do, feel, say and think.
Talking about sex in this country is nearly as bad as telling someone you have mental health problems .. Its all 'hush hush' .. People do not want to know your sexual problems or your mental issues ... this truly drives me mad as there is nothing wrong with either . We all have mental health issues at some point in out lives weather it is serious or not so .. And we all have sexual problems at some point in our lives .. again it could be serious or just something that happens to us some times ..
My advice for is do not worry or panic, things will return to some kind of normality but the more you stress the less likley anything good will come of it. I have learnt some major lessons these last 18 months of my life and that is .. Don't worry about ANYTHING that you cannot do anything about, it is a serious waste of time, sometimes we just have to sit back and accept what is going on, we know we wont always be here or be in this situation and most times its a massive leaning curve, use that learning curve at take it with you through life.
I am just an ordinary 41 year old women and just like any other human being. I have always enjoyed sex with my partner and I believe it is what has kept us together in that special intimate bond for over 22 years. Since I was diagnosed with Depression in October 2012 .. (which to be quite honest I don't even remember if I was still having sex as nobody was 'home' in the mind department .. If you know what I mean) .. My sex drive took a dramatic dive, I was just not interested in sex at all and it did not seem to bother me that I was not having any, it seemed like a chore to me, something I 'had to do' but did not want to, my partner being the amazing man he is told me not to worry or panic about it as he didn't want me to stress as nothing would work, we will just leave it for a while and see how things go .. Wow .. he is just the most wonderful person and has stuck by me through thick, thicker and even thicker times.
I was guessing that the medication I was on was the reason for all this, it was not until I was feeling a bit better that I actually decided to ask and yes its true, medication can affect your sex drive amongst other things but I was feeling so much better taking the medication that I decided that I had to take the good with the bad. Well folks here I am 6 months later and my sex drive is still not completely back where it was but I am getting there, It takes a while .. LOL .. but my partner does not seem to mind this .. :-)
It has a lot do with many things, the medication being an important factor but also anxiety, panic, low confidence also being scared, that may sound silly after being with my partner for so long but when I hit rock bottom I was scared of every thing in every day in every way.
My confidence is going up every day, I feel more like myself ... even better than I used to be .. I am more in love with my partner than ever before so I am not going to worry about my sex drive, it will come back when its good and ready .. In the mean time I will juts enjoy intimate, personal time with him.
Some people might find this a bit too much information and that's OK, but there might be a few people who will identify with this and these are the people I am talking too, we all just need to understand and be understood and realise we are not alone in the things we do, feel, say and think.
GETTING THROUGH THE DAYS
I was so amazed at just how many people that have read my story. I can only imagine that there are so many of us out there struggling day to day either in silence and alone or with help, love and understanding.
As I have said before I had all the help around me and I also got help for myself but I still felt completely alone with my dark thoughts that I let take over my life, I know that now but I didn't then and I went along with the dark thoughts, the panic, the anxiety the panic ... more panic and more panic ...
So what is life like for me at the moment ..
I try not to look to far ahead of myself and keep as much pressure off myself as possible .. and when you have two teenage kids that quite hard to do .. :)
Since November (the most awful month of my life) I have very .. very slowly taken steps towards recovery. I started with exercise, I jogged on the spot every day, drank plenty of water, got myself out of the house every day, even for a short walk to the shops just so I felt as if I had done something positive with my day.
As the days passed into months I felt stronger, I had lost quite a lot of weight (its OK, I had plenty to loose) and felt a lot more in control of my life, I was still getting negative thoughts but they was more positive than negative.
I remember feeling so wonderful when I had woken up from a nap on the sofa, it sounds so funny but I was not even able to relax my mind for 5 mins to get some rest and I used to wake up on and off all through the night and I thought I had achieved so much when I slept through the night for the first time as well, all theses little things make you feel normal (whatever that is) again, you feel as if you have joined the human race again.
I have learnt a great deal about myself through counseling, talking, writing, helping others and just going through in my mind how I used to think and why.
For some unknown reason my mind suddenly went from 'i don't really care' to 'I'm going to die at any moment' . I turned into an extreme hypochondriac, I had pain all over my body and I just could not explain to anyone how this felt, I had a fear of heart attacks, blood clots, brain tumors, strokes, cancer and anything else drastic I had the same symptoms of.
So what did I learn .. Well, to relax a bit and learn that every one has to die some day, there is nothing I can do about this, it is out of my hands, in learning that I also learnt that there are many, many things that are out of my control that I cannot change so whats the point of worrying about it. I decided to tell the truth of how I felt, even my most darkest thoughts, I only shared the dark thoughts with my partner, my mum, my Doctor and Counselor as I was not sure what my friends and family would think of me if I told them I was suicidal, people just don't understand that one, and to be honest before I was diagnosed as Clinically Depressed nor did I .. but my god do I understand it now !!!
I have also learnt there are so so so many people with depression and their stories helped me so much as I could identify with them, I gathered as much information as I could and soon realised .. Hey !! I'm depressed, and so what !! I'm not ashamed of this, life is hard sometimes and I had let everything get to me, on top of me and under my skin without sorting it out properly. I am very good at brushing things 'under the carpet' and 'leave it now we'll sort it out later' and never deal with stuff, so Ive learnt to deal with stuff as soon as it happens and if I cant then I tried too.
Counseling was my biggest fear and my savior, firstly I thought if I told them my true feeling they would section me, which of course they did not, they understood.
I still go to a counselor every Tuesday for an hour, and ramble on about this, that and the other, its amazing some of the things you speak about that you had forgotten about a long time ago. I found out I had not dealt with my Nans death, as she was my first best friend it was just to hard to deal with at 16 years old, I had been unhappy within myself for quite a long time, and I was bullied at school, so I spoke about them, got advice and sorted them out in my mind.
My mind is at this moment as free, calm and strong as it has ever been. I am proud of myself of what I have got through and where I am today, I think its important to tell these stories for people like me who have been there, for people who are going through the dark time and especially for people who do not understand Mental Health Issues .. Its OK, I don't blame you as I was just like you two years ago .. We need to be educated about Mental Health for all generations and set the stigma out once and for all and to bring Mental Health into the for front of every other illness that needs treatment.
For me .. Well I am feeling good today, and I thank God for that .. I never know what tomorrow will bring .. nobody does, there is one thing I know for sure, understanding somebody's feelings will not only help you be a better person but will help them more than you would ever realise, to be understood is life changing.
I was so amazed at just how many people that have read my story. I can only imagine that there are so many of us out there struggling day to day either in silence and alone or with help, love and understanding.
As I have said before I had all the help around me and I also got help for myself but I still felt completely alone with my dark thoughts that I let take over my life, I know that now but I didn't then and I went along with the dark thoughts, the panic, the anxiety the panic ... more panic and more panic ...
So what is life like for me at the moment ..
I try not to look to far ahead of myself and keep as much pressure off myself as possible .. and when you have two teenage kids that quite hard to do .. :)
Since November (the most awful month of my life) I have very .. very slowly taken steps towards recovery. I started with exercise, I jogged on the spot every day, drank plenty of water, got myself out of the house every day, even for a short walk to the shops just so I felt as if I had done something positive with my day.
As the days passed into months I felt stronger, I had lost quite a lot of weight (its OK, I had plenty to loose) and felt a lot more in control of my life, I was still getting negative thoughts but they was more positive than negative.
I remember feeling so wonderful when I had woken up from a nap on the sofa, it sounds so funny but I was not even able to relax my mind for 5 mins to get some rest and I used to wake up on and off all through the night and I thought I had achieved so much when I slept through the night for the first time as well, all theses little things make you feel normal (whatever that is) again, you feel as if you have joined the human race again.
I have learnt a great deal about myself through counseling, talking, writing, helping others and just going through in my mind how I used to think and why.
For some unknown reason my mind suddenly went from 'i don't really care' to 'I'm going to die at any moment' . I turned into an extreme hypochondriac, I had pain all over my body and I just could not explain to anyone how this felt, I had a fear of heart attacks, blood clots, brain tumors, strokes, cancer and anything else drastic I had the same symptoms of.
So what did I learn .. Well, to relax a bit and learn that every one has to die some day, there is nothing I can do about this, it is out of my hands, in learning that I also learnt that there are many, many things that are out of my control that I cannot change so whats the point of worrying about it. I decided to tell the truth of how I felt, even my most darkest thoughts, I only shared the dark thoughts with my partner, my mum, my Doctor and Counselor as I was not sure what my friends and family would think of me if I told them I was suicidal, people just don't understand that one, and to be honest before I was diagnosed as Clinically Depressed nor did I .. but my god do I understand it now !!!
I have also learnt there are so so so many people with depression and their stories helped me so much as I could identify with them, I gathered as much information as I could and soon realised .. Hey !! I'm depressed, and so what !! I'm not ashamed of this, life is hard sometimes and I had let everything get to me, on top of me and under my skin without sorting it out properly. I am very good at brushing things 'under the carpet' and 'leave it now we'll sort it out later' and never deal with stuff, so Ive learnt to deal with stuff as soon as it happens and if I cant then I tried too.
Counseling was my biggest fear and my savior, firstly I thought if I told them my true feeling they would section me, which of course they did not, they understood.
I still go to a counselor every Tuesday for an hour, and ramble on about this, that and the other, its amazing some of the things you speak about that you had forgotten about a long time ago. I found out I had not dealt with my Nans death, as she was my first best friend it was just to hard to deal with at 16 years old, I had been unhappy within myself for quite a long time, and I was bullied at school, so I spoke about them, got advice and sorted them out in my mind.
My mind is at this moment as free, calm and strong as it has ever been. I am proud of myself of what I have got through and where I am today, I think its important to tell these stories for people like me who have been there, for people who are going through the dark time and especially for people who do not understand Mental Health Issues .. Its OK, I don't blame you as I was just like you two years ago .. We need to be educated about Mental Health for all generations and set the stigma out once and for all and to bring Mental Health into the for front of every other illness that needs treatment.
For me .. Well I am feeling good today, and I thank God for that .. I never know what tomorrow will bring .. nobody does, there is one thing I know for sure, understanding somebody's feelings will not only help you be a better person but will help them more than you would ever realise, to be understood is life changing.
TRYING TO MAKE SIMPLE DECISIONS .. IS HARD
When I was at my worst I found it hard to just do the simplest of tasks, I would wake up in the morning, open my eyes and my first thought would be .. not another day, how am I going to get through it. It was strange because I would be agitated all day having multiple panic attacks and terrible evil thoughts but as soon as bedtime came I would calm down and be so proud of myself just for getting through another day alive and well, I would pray to god and be thankful and then it would start all over again when I opened my eyes the next day. This vicious circle went on for what felt like forever but it was a few months. If it weren't for having to get up and get my daughter off to school I probably would not have even got out of bed but I had to make myself, I had to make myself do everything and it was so tiring as I had no energy at all and my mind would not ease. I could only explain to my family that my mind was like a super highway of thoughts going past at 100mph 24hrs a day, nothing made sense at all and my thinking was erratic and extreme.
After I got my daughter off to school the first thing was to ring my mum, I would cry and feel so helpless and ashamed of myself that my daughter had to see me in such a state before she went off to school for the day, I sent her out of the house as happily as I possibly could but I could see the worry in her eyes as she could see the panic in mine. My mum and my partner where the ones who made me get up and do things, very small things at first so we all made a plan, I didn't realise just how important planning one day ahead would be to me, I would set myself little tasks to do and I mean little, just like .. eat your breakfast .. this may sound silly to some but my eating habits had changed dramatically to a point where I was hardly eating at all, so I would try to hold off ringing my mum as soon as I woke up, I would try to hold my panic and do some tasks before so I could tell her I had achieved something already.
I also found it hard to leave the house ..
(now I used to be the kind of person who would be out and about driving my car here and there but as January 2012 came I changed and used to drive my daughter to school and then come home, I didn't want to see anyone and found it a chore just to ring family and friends and seeing people in the street that I knew would annoy me because I knew they would want to chat and I would have to be nice and I did not want to be, this lasted for the entire year and gradually got worse and worse and worse)
....My mum would come round and wait for me to get ready which took me so long, we would go for a short walk to the shops, being in shops was terrifying, I would get scared, panicky, dizzy and would sweat like crazy. I would get just one days dinner so I would have to go out every day to get dinner, that way I didn't have a choice I would have to leave the house at some point in a day, it was so very hard but I knew it had to be done as I would never leave the kids without a dinner, when I got back inside my house it was such an overwhelming sense of relief that I didn't have to go out again but I did feel like I had done something with my day and would feel so proud and a little positive feeling would skip in my mind.
So for me planning a day before I went to sleep was so important, it also helped me sleep as I knew I was getting up for a reason, I would say to myself 'tomorrow you will wake up, get your daughter off to school, do some exercises and meditation and then eat breakfast and then ring mum .. :-) Clear up the house as best as you can then get yourself together, go to the shops to get dinner and pay any bills, come home read a little (which helped me focus) get dinner ready for the family then you could relax for the evening, do some more exercises as it helps clear your mind and focus on something different then read a little before you go to sleep (as I said it helped me focus and calm my mind down), so when you do go off to sleep you know you have done something positive in that day, this is something I did for a long, long time. I don't do it so much these days but I still make sure I go for a walk everyday to clear my mind and get some extra exercise.
I cant even stress to you just how important exercise is, it helps with stress levels, gives you that feel good factor, more energy and positive thoughts. I used to get terrible headaches, so painful I could not even lift my head of the pillow, my doctor told me it was stress and I did not believe him, how could stress cause this much pain but he was right, as soon as I exercised my headaches would clear, you know I have not had a headache for about 3 months. I also took up walking more, such a simple thing I know but before the depression I would lazily drive everywhere, even to the shops at the top of my road .. Not only could I not drive with the medication I was on but I all of sudden became scared to drive so I walked everywhere, I still do now and it has helped my feel healthier, happier and positive.
Obviously not everything works for everyone so you have to find what you like to do .. or what you used to like to do when your mind was clearer and stick to it. Feeling positive and having positive thoughts is very hard .. I know .. But they will come and when they do you will be strong enough to tell the negative, unreal, thoughts to just f*** Off .. And you know what !! They do and you start to realise that you actually have control over these and you can choose when you listen and when you don't. I still get them today but I say .. 'Oh go away, your not getting me anymore, you don't like it because I am stronger than you now and I control my mind' It works for me and you must do what works for you.
Its a long hard road but you must know for sure that it gets easier, I promise you.
Thank you xxx
After I got my daughter off to school the first thing was to ring my mum, I would cry and feel so helpless and ashamed of myself that my daughter had to see me in such a state before she went off to school for the day, I sent her out of the house as happily as I possibly could but I could see the worry in her eyes as she could see the panic in mine. My mum and my partner where the ones who made me get up and do things, very small things at first so we all made a plan, I didn't realise just how important planning one day ahead would be to me, I would set myself little tasks to do and I mean little, just like .. eat your breakfast .. this may sound silly to some but my eating habits had changed dramatically to a point where I was hardly eating at all, so I would try to hold off ringing my mum as soon as I woke up, I would try to hold my panic and do some tasks before so I could tell her I had achieved something already.
I also found it hard to leave the house ..
(now I used to be the kind of person who would be out and about driving my car here and there but as January 2012 came I changed and used to drive my daughter to school and then come home, I didn't want to see anyone and found it a chore just to ring family and friends and seeing people in the street that I knew would annoy me because I knew they would want to chat and I would have to be nice and I did not want to be, this lasted for the entire year and gradually got worse and worse and worse)
....My mum would come round and wait for me to get ready which took me so long, we would go for a short walk to the shops, being in shops was terrifying, I would get scared, panicky, dizzy and would sweat like crazy. I would get just one days dinner so I would have to go out every day to get dinner, that way I didn't have a choice I would have to leave the house at some point in a day, it was so very hard but I knew it had to be done as I would never leave the kids without a dinner, when I got back inside my house it was such an overwhelming sense of relief that I didn't have to go out again but I did feel like I had done something with my day and would feel so proud and a little positive feeling would skip in my mind.
So for me planning a day before I went to sleep was so important, it also helped me sleep as I knew I was getting up for a reason, I would say to myself 'tomorrow you will wake up, get your daughter off to school, do some exercises and meditation and then eat breakfast and then ring mum .. :-) Clear up the house as best as you can then get yourself together, go to the shops to get dinner and pay any bills, come home read a little (which helped me focus) get dinner ready for the family then you could relax for the evening, do some more exercises as it helps clear your mind and focus on something different then read a little before you go to sleep (as I said it helped me focus and calm my mind down), so when you do go off to sleep you know you have done something positive in that day, this is something I did for a long, long time. I don't do it so much these days but I still make sure I go for a walk everyday to clear my mind and get some extra exercise.
I cant even stress to you just how important exercise is, it helps with stress levels, gives you that feel good factor, more energy and positive thoughts. I used to get terrible headaches, so painful I could not even lift my head of the pillow, my doctor told me it was stress and I did not believe him, how could stress cause this much pain but he was right, as soon as I exercised my headaches would clear, you know I have not had a headache for about 3 months. I also took up walking more, such a simple thing I know but before the depression I would lazily drive everywhere, even to the shops at the top of my road .. Not only could I not drive with the medication I was on but I all of sudden became scared to drive so I walked everywhere, I still do now and it has helped my feel healthier, happier and positive.
Obviously not everything works for everyone so you have to find what you like to do .. or what you used to like to do when your mind was clearer and stick to it. Feeling positive and having positive thoughts is very hard .. I know .. But they will come and when they do you will be strong enough to tell the negative, unreal, thoughts to just f*** Off .. And you know what !! They do and you start to realise that you actually have control over these and you can choose when you listen and when you don't. I still get them today but I say .. 'Oh go away, your not getting me anymore, you don't like it because I am stronger than you now and I control my mind' It works for me and you must do what works for you.
Its a long hard road but you must know for sure that it gets easier, I promise you.
Thank you xxx